stevemacqwark

Mass forest fires, war between America and Iran becoming worse and a virus already killing hundreds in China. The last one in particular is what ended up being the overall cause of our misery.

Ireland has gone back and forth between extreme lockdowns and opening up again for appease companies for holiday profits. There was meant to be an voluntary art event this year at a school for students with learning disabilities, with 12 artists helping 12 students making art for a calendar for 2021 but that never happened all year. While it's planned now to start in 2021, new strains of the Coronavirus are already appearing in South Africa and Britain, with the latter already spreading into Dublin, so the event is fucked, vaccine or no vaccine.

On another personal note, I almost got a job at a printing office near where my mother works. Being an artist and getting help on how to go through a job interview, I thought it was a slam-dunk (especially since we found out the interview was happening that very day) but it went someone else, who was an artist like myself and I thought he, of all people, gave a much of a shit but then again, he probably was destined to get the job regardless but pretend it's an open vacancy. "It's not what you know but who you know." Oh fuck off! Fuck nepotism! Hell, even getting a job at retail is impossible with online surveys and questionnaires as if I was going for a high-paying office job, which it would be better than retail but no one wants a first-timer in 2020. "Want a job? You must have had a job already."

America has really exposed its ass this year, even when you read how its discover, inception, foundation, history, etc. is so fucked up beyond believed, the people in authority will double-down, triple-down, quadruple-down on everything wrong with the country. White supremacist cop being caught murdering a black man, over nothing to compared to said-cop did before then, on video, which would be posted and shared on social? Just murder the man anyway and cops will protect the murderer. Why are cops so racist? Because they started off as slave patrol and are paid to capture slaves and keep them in line. Cops being integrated into society was a mistake, bunch of a fat, overpaid Nazi bastards. So... America is fucked up and I'm glad I don't live there. How much are they charging just to let a mother hold a baby she just gave birth to? No wonder I hate capitalism. Also, QAnon are terrorists since they're now doing suicide bombing attacks on Christmas Day. Who's doing "War on Christmas" again?

One more sad note is how my grandmother died a few days ago at the age of 97. It was the day after Christmas and everyone was here. The fact she held on for Xmas was a miracle. She was in so much pain, so delirious but was happy and finally able to rest afterwards. She united our family but now she's gone, so there will be a lot of drama between relatives again and I'm not looking forward to the fallout.

Also, video games suck because of abusive crunch. Neil Druckmann gets rewarded for "Best Direction" for The Last of Us Part II despite his direction involves long, hellish hours, toxic work environments operating on a culture of fear, forcing employees to watch videos of real life murders as reference for more "unsanitised" portrayals of real life violence not seen in other games and movies, banning of the word "fun", as well as possible self-insertions in awkward places. Same thing can be applied to CD Projekt Red with Cyberpunk 2077 but instead of being polished to a fault like TLOU2, it was more broken and glitchy than even Skyrim, the use of cyberpunk imagery is tone-deaf, transphobic content was doubled down, there are even moment that deliberately cause seizure (fans who thought 2077 was The Second Coming of Christ tried to give critics seizures for calling out the moments of seizures in the game) and Keanu Reeve's character is actually an asshole thanks to bad writing. I haven't even mentioned how Marvel's Avengers didn't need to be service trAAAsh but even making a game based on a multi-billion-dollar comic-to-movie franchise wasn't enough for a video game company like Square-Enix, especially since they broke Final Fantasy VII Remake into multiple parts... except for the first part set in Midgar is surprisingly good but we're not here to talk about positive things, are we? These companies are even the worst when it comes to abusive crunch because not only does Ubisoft crunch their employees with yearly open world live services but the company is run by rapists. Ubisoft operates on rape culture. Yves Guillemort and his entire family and crony of rapists ARE Ubisoft incarnate. Video games are just not worth it. It's too much.

One of these things would've been bad enough but put them all together, including things I haven't had time to mention like J.K. Rowling and the entire TERF-cult, and it all adds to make a bad, bad, bad year on top of all the other bad years since 2016, the year of Brexit, the MAGA cult, Trump getting power over billions, the death of many great stars and people being murdered for being gay and trans.

The end of 2020 isn't gonna be the end of our misery with new strains of the Coronavirus, Brexit and Trump still existing and even Adobe Flash is being shutdown permanently, so all those videos and games we've loved watch and play on Newgrounds will be gone very soon.

Fuck 2016 all the way to 2020 and fuck 2021.

Despite recent controversy surrounding Inktober this year, I'm still doing it anyway as well as OCtober as the theme, which makes a good excuse to redraw old character designs I've done for college and university work from 2008 to 2018.

Here are the following characters I plan on drawing:

1. African Dragoon lady.

2. African Mage.

3. Action-figure-like soldier lady.

4. Deadly Samurai and father in wheelchair.

5. Undead Octopus Man.

6. Aoife the Evil Queen.

7. Cyber-Witch.

8. Tall Gnome with basketball.

9. Aphroditus.

10. Azazel the masked monster with four arms and cleavers.

11. Manadriver.

12. Scavanger/gunner.

13. Non-binary pirate.

14. Dark-blue Hannya Ninja.

15. Indian Fractal witch.

16. Twins sharing the same body.

17. Pansexual Latino.

18. Middle-aged American football fan with pig-armour.

19. Old man with chain whip.

20. Old short, capitalist in suit and cocaine on his nose (basically Haim Saban)

21. Horrible mutated human/mechanical spider gone wrong

22. The Dragon King

23. Water Elf Queen.

24. Fat, lazy, hedonistic Prince.

25. Angry Goblin General.

26. Soldier with chain-claw for a hand and a moustache.

27. American Prince.

28. Librarian with psychic powers and sword wings.

29. K00L1EPAT00L1E (A parody of PewDiePie).

30. Red-haired cyborg-ninja transman.

31. Dark-skin girl in white dress.

The order in which they come may vary. They will all be posted on Instagram first and then on deviantART. After that, I might do a YouTube video with all these drawings.

Fingers crossed.

NOTE: I wrote this in the forums but that was a mistake.

I used to be extremely homophobic when I was a stupid teenager, believing that "all gays are pedophiles" and that if I kept up my bigotry, I would get approval from my religious peers and go to Heaven. Fortunately, it turned out being homophobic is pretty lonely when I was walking around while other students were watching Philadelphia, looking and feeling like an idiot. When I went in, I saw the last 10-20 minutes, including the death of Tom Hanks's character and his family watching old footage of said-character when he was a child. I never conceived the idea that homosexuals were children too and not concerned with what kind of people they're attracted to. With that, my homophobia melted away just before I finished secondary school. It also made it a whole lot easier to enjoy anime and games for their homoerotic overtones and undertones.

Of course, there were still plenty of ignorance regarding other LGBT people, often laughing at terrible words like tran*** and still loving South Park before learning how trans people can be legally murdered if their killers claim self-defence and that said-murdered trans people were predators looking to rape them aka Trans Panic Defence, which is easily exploited by hateful transphobic psychopaths who enjoy killing LGBT people and will lie about how the bigots are the "victims". Then there's seeing how the Catholic Church condemn LGBT equality, using children as political shields, all while ignoring how many of the priests claiming "ALL GAYS ARE PEDOPHILES" turn out to be pedophiles themselves and the church moves them around. I'm not even gonna talk about conversion therapy and TERFs except they're all evil. While I came to fully accept LGBT+ people as humans with wants and needs like the rest of us and enjoy male character ships, it's not really until I became 30 that I might be Pansexual all along. For the record, I don't want to seek any relationship or have sex. I'm sure it's the greatest feeling in the world but I like to think the pleasures I get in life as well as the highs I get from my work are good enough. That said, there's no denying it when feeling aroused by seeing beautiful and stylish people, real or not, regardless of gender.

That doesn't mean I'm horny for everyone I see. If I was, no one would want to hire me for any job if I can't be professional about it and I can't even stand people not bothering wearing masks during the coronavirus. A few years back, me and my fellow students went out to eat after spending the day preparing our end of year exhibition and when we discussed anime, I said how all the Fairy Tail characters look like pornstars and how the series could with an Pansexual orgy and my friend she's actually Pansexual. Then there's Jim Sterling also admits being Pansexual. And I don't know about you but effeminate males like Gackt and T.M. Revolution are pretty hot. My favourite from the She-Ra Netflix series is that Non-binary character Double Trouble. All this, combined with not getting work, everything with the coronavirus, the endless news cycle of horrible evil men in power, spending more time on the internet (more-so than usual), existential dread and some soul-searching... I still don't like making claims to something that I mightn't be but I can at least try.

I'm... Pansexual.

;_;

I'm literally crying just before submitting this... confession.

I'm Pansexual. I'm Pansexual. I'm Pansexual.